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Latest Troll Rants

Sep 21, 2010

How to Troll: Buzzkill and Futuresaw

Has you ever met someone who can bring down mood of a room when they opens their mouth?  This who we gonna talk about todays.

Standard disclaimers, etc.  Tuhd want to put these people out of Tuhd's misery, so no being them.

Nihilism, thy name is troll

Tuhd not sure what to say much about these folks.  They is both just such bummers.  No matters what is happennings or being discussed, either it are a sign of worse things to come, or you shoulds have done it differently.  Either way, they leave sour taste in Tuhd's mouth (yes, yes, make your jokes little trolls).

The Buzzkill: It's the end of the world, lets mope about it

These is people who use any opportunities they finds to spout some kind of depressing, half-blind commentary on how state of world is in shitter.  People who finds it easier to roll around in misery and despairs than actually make somethings of themselves.  Tuhd find many to be clinically depressed, though if you has all channels but cable news shows blocked, yeah, Tuhd think you end up dat way, too.

Some Tard (you): I just got big tax refund for these solar panels!
Buzzkill (your lame friend that you haven't disposed of in a river yet): You know the government is only offerring those refunds because the green movement is trying to get us dependent on these overpriced forms of energy, all the while the companies behind the movement are making HUGE amounts of cash off suckers like you, draining the economy dry and funnelling this money into private banking institutions instead of actually paying off the national debt, which is only growing more and more with every rebate and refund they offer working class like YOU, and guaranteeing votes in the next season, only to repeat the cycle, which can only lead to the collapse of the system.  And it's your fault because you think these rebates are actually a good thing.

(sips beer)

Just sayin'.

And this either begins you arguing with him for an hour, or he continues on his monolog diatribe until him pass out from exhaustion, belittling everyone at your party and making you look like asshole.  Remember, dis person isn't actually doing anything to help economy either, just bringing everyone down to their levels instead.

You wants people to listen, don't be depressing, and don't be  douche.

which leads us to...

The Futuresaw: Where "You should have done this instead" becomes a catch phrase.

Same Tard (you): I just got big tax refund for these solar panels!
Futuresaw (still not in a river somewhere):  You would have saved a lot more money converting that wreck you drive over to a vegetable oil fuel.  And how is it a big refund when it cost you 10 times that to buy and install them?  Plus the fact that you live in Nevada, where it snows for enough of the year to keep you dependant on not only the electric company, but the natural gas company as well, which isn't exactly a renewable resource.

*the next day, the news mysteriously finds your lame friend in a barrel of used deep fryer grease behind the local steakhouse*

It not bad enough that your lame friend is always puttings down everythings you do, but him do it in front of your other friends, your girlfriend (yeah, right.  you on internet, like you know any womens), and your co-workers, and somehow whens you try to point it out, him say some kind of craps like "I only trying to teach you to think thing through first before doings anything" or some kind of patronizing craps like that.  If you pull same thing on him, then him argues for looong time like Captain Buzzkill as to why you is wrong, basically defeating you with huge steaming pile of opinion.

If it sound like Tuhd are against these natural forms of energy, Tuhd isn't.  Tuhd is against overpaying for thems, against a lot of the bullshit hype, and against DIRTY FUCKING HIPPIES TRYING TO FORCE IT DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS.  (yes, yes, little trollies.  Go ahead and say what on your dirty minds).

So, is these people really trolls?  Actually, yeah.  They waits for you to open mouth and start conversation.  They not very good trolls, more like black sheep of family, but yes, they really is trolls.

For those two of you wonderings, yes Tuhd has rant prepared on green movement and such.  But not yet.  You waits, my trollies.  You waits.


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