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Latest Troll Rants

Sep 21, 2010

How to Troll: Buzzkill and Futuresaw

Has you ever met someone who can bring down mood of a room when they opens their mouth?  This who we gonna talk about todays.

Standard disclaimers, etc.  Tuhd want to put these people out of Tuhd's misery, so no being them.

Nihilism, thy name is troll

Tuhd not sure what to say much about these folks.  They is both just such bummers.  No matters what is happennings or being discussed, either it are a sign of worse things to come, or you shoulds have done it differently.  Either way, they leave sour taste in Tuhd's mouth (yes, yes, make your jokes little trolls).

The Buzzkill: It's the end of the world, lets mope about it

These is people who use any opportunities they finds to spout some kind of depressing, half-blind commentary on how state of world is in shitter.  People who finds it easier to roll around in misery and despairs than actually make somethings of themselves.  Tuhd find many to be clinically depressed, though if you has all channels but cable news shows blocked, yeah, Tuhd think you end up dat way, too.

Some Tard (you): I just got big tax refund for these solar panels!
Buzzkill (your lame friend that you haven't disposed of in a river yet): You know the government is only offerring those refunds because the green movement is trying to get us dependent on these overpriced forms of energy, all the while the companies behind the movement are making HUGE amounts of cash off suckers like you, draining the economy dry and funnelling this money into private banking institutions instead of actually paying off the national debt, which is only growing more and more with every rebate and refund they offer working class like YOU, and guaranteeing votes in the next season, only to repeat the cycle, which can only lead to the collapse of the system.  And it's your fault because you think these rebates are actually a good thing.

(sips beer)

Just sayin'.

And this either begins you arguing with him for an hour, or he continues on his monolog diatribe until him pass out from exhaustion, belittling everyone at your party and making you look like asshole.  Remember, dis person isn't actually doing anything to help economy either, just bringing everyone down to their levels instead.

You wants people to listen, don't be depressing, and don't be  douche.

which leads us to...

The Futuresaw: Where "You should have done this instead" becomes a catch phrase.

Same Tard (you): I just got big tax refund for these solar panels!
Futuresaw (still not in a river somewhere):  You would have saved a lot more money converting that wreck you drive over to a vegetable oil fuel.  And how is it a big refund when it cost you 10 times that to buy and install them?  Plus the fact that you live in Nevada, where it snows for enough of the year to keep you dependant on not only the electric company, but the natural gas company as well, which isn't exactly a renewable resource.

*the next day, the news mysteriously finds your lame friend in a barrel of used deep fryer grease behind the local steakhouse*

It not bad enough that your lame friend is always puttings down everythings you do, but him do it in front of your other friends, your girlfriend (yeah, right.  you on internet, like you know any womens), and your co-workers, and somehow whens you try to point it out, him say some kind of craps like "I only trying to teach you to think thing through first before doings anything" or some kind of patronizing craps like that.  If you pull same thing on him, then him argues for looong time like Captain Buzzkill as to why you is wrong, basically defeating you with huge steaming pile of opinion.

If it sound like Tuhd are against these natural forms of energy, Tuhd isn't.  Tuhd is against overpaying for thems, against a lot of the bullshit hype, and against DIRTY FUCKING HIPPIES TRYING TO FORCE IT DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS.  (yes, yes, little trollies.  Go ahead and say what on your dirty minds).

So, is these people really trolls?  Actually, yeah.  They waits for you to open mouth and start conversation.  They not very good trolls, more like black sheep of family, but yes, they really is trolls.

For those two of you wonderings, yes Tuhd has rant prepared on green movement and such.  But not yet.  You waits, my trollies.  You waits.


Sep 10, 2010

Troll Rants: Microtransactions and gaming

Loves it or hates it, microtransactions is here to stay.

Tuhd not actually going to rant about the fact they exist.  Tuhd here to rant about when they be being done WRONG to detriment of community.

Firstly, for those of you who not know what microtransaction are, lets me explain it to yous.

A microtransaction is fancy buzzword for "cheap thing".  It is candy bar of video game world.  And each one are different.  In some games, you get fancy clothings, or furniture, or potion to increase amount of experiences you gain.  In other games, it open up slot for new character, a new car to drive, new weapons, starter packs that get you going in game faster, gold, plat, money, powerups, etc.

In general, a microtransaction is in the $1-$5 range for most things.  It targeted to the "oh it only this amount, I can afford that" market.  Just like candy bars and snacks.

However, some 'microtransactions' is $20 or more.  THIS NOT MICROTRANSACTION YOU FUCKERS!  If it cost same as half a tank of gas (a quarter tank for truck peoples), then it not micro anything.  If it $20 it better do something REALLY FUCKING COOL.  Not "oh look a new set of house furniture that gives me no stats and nothing other than it sits there and looks neat and its all digital meaning I CANT EVEN SIT IN IT".  If it a new mount or vehicle or whatever, it better be FASTER than anything else out there, and not immediately be put to shame when next expansion comes out with the free ones.  IT BETTER FLY AND SHOOT RAINBOWS OUT IT'S ASS.

Some games has microtransactions priced accordingly to their market, to take advantage of more volume of thems.  DDO and Hobbits Online (okay okay, Lord of the Rings Online) are two thats are praiseworthy.  No, Tuhd not play them, Tuhd have friends who do, though.  They know that fun stuff should only cost a dollar or two.  If people get into habit of "I want something fun, lets buy this cause its so cheap" then they will probably buy a couple a month.  And it becomes habit just like candy bar at checkout counter or soda whenever you go to park with kids.  And then at some point you look in your bags and realize that in the last 6 months you bought $20 worth of clothes you can't wear (in real world), but it so much you feel you gots a bargain.

But some games DON'T do dis right.  Tuhd specifically talking about a game Tuhd honestly enjoys.  Everquest 2.  It does not cost no $50 for the server to transfer your character across servers.  Even whens it was manual, it took 10-15 minutes for a tech to do it (really, ask them).  Experience potions should not cost more than $3 for something that lasts maybe an hour and only gives you 50% more exp.  Especially tradeskill ones.  And if you buy somethings, it should be available to ALL CHARACTERS (except maybe experience potions).  Seriouslies, are it dat hard to figure out?

The concept of microtransactions are one that, if done well, nets companies shedloads of money.  Lets us look at the king of revenue generators, the WoW Flying Mount.  It netted dat company somewhere beyond $2 million dollars for a mount that only had to be designed once, and costed somewhere around $25 (some rumors claim nearly $5 million).  IT WAS A FLYING MOUNT (made of stars).  This falls in category of "totally cool", and earns seal of approval, even if it is cost of tank of gas.  Because it was unique, and cool.  Don't think rainbows shot out its ass, but maybe that will be next version.

And lets not walk away from the Hobbits game.  They are sellings their stuff so cheap if you has $20 to spend, you gets armfulls of stuff that all your characters can use.  Thems and DDO make a HUGE amounts of money on microtransactions alone, without having to sell their MMO soul for it.

So, are microtransactions bad or goods?  I dunno.  Guess it depends on if you got the cash to spend on the little fiddly crap that really doesnt mean much in long run.

Tuhd bought a hat.

Sep 6, 2010

Troll Tools: Ignore and Delete

Simplest, mostest underused tools in troll arsenal.

This gonna be brief. Learn these buttons for everythings. Emails, comments, replys, friend requests, everythings.

but why Tuhd?


like washing my hands?

No no, not sanitary.  Tuhd mean like keeping you out of crazy house.

Fastest way to lose touch with your objectives is to start respondings to tards.  Youtube comments, emails that start with "Hey Fuckwad!", lame video responses, everyone in MMOs, internet posts, friend request spam, everything is distraction.

but, i like responding to idiots.  It makes me feel better.

And all it do is become one long endless cycle of stupidity.  If you really better than thems, you just walk away.  Ever try to argue with 7 year old?  Logic no work.  It just round after round of "NO YOU STUPIDERS!"

That are why monkeys is smarter than internet tards.  Monkeys fling poo.  Real poo.  One good shot and arguement over.

If it rampage at you, just move out of way.  Its a tard.  If you trip them as they run past, they'll hang around.  And nobody wants to hang arounds with tardses.