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Latest Troll Rants

Aug 30, 2010

How to be a Troll: Talks to your Socks

Yes, Tuhd gonna talk abouts the sock-puppetry.  Probably cause Tuhd washed socks today.  Whut, Tuhd really does laundry some weeks.  Don't you be acting all surprised.  Socks is very useful.

Likes always, you no do this.  Standard disclaimers and stuffs here.  Don't you be a tards.  Trolls uses wits and patience, not retardo tactics likes this.

But Tuhd, I thought you were showings us how to be trolls?  Isn't this how to be a troll?

Shut up and no, it not.  Tuhd trying to show all things that peoples call trolls, that is really just tards.  Tuhd educatings both sides.

Sock Talk

So, if you is hardcore internet tard and must make scene, this are how it would be done.

First, gets you two accounts on some forum.  Makes sure you use dem both for a while so you isn't obviously some noobtard.  Try to establish some voice wif both so that they is not obviously same person.  It not as hard as it sound.  Use one while at work and other while at home (that also establish different IP addresses).  Yes Tuhd have been moderator and know these things.  Also your mood at work are usually different from dat at home.

Maybe you wants one of you to be conservative, and one middle of road.  Or one 'level headed' and one a total douche.  Whichever you feels works best.  But, before you even starts, you gots to have clue what you gonna be arguings about a couple months down line afters you establish youself.  And you has to be a really, really good liars, which are a skill Tuhd not yet master.  Tuhd are more of volume liar.  Quantities over qualities.  Like dollar menu.

Lets use example of which pizza are best, since it not bring up things Tuhd not care about, like politics, religion, or sports.

the setups:

Captain Dingus (you): I likes pizza with pepperoni and artichoke hearts.  All other pizza are fail in comparisons.
Random Pizza lover 1Your pizza are fail.  Veggies is dumb and stupid.  here are 14 reasons why.
Socko (that's you, but pretending to be not really you): I agrees with The Captain.  Artichokes is awesome on pizza.
Captain Dingus: Two against one, loser.  You sucks and fails.

or some dumb crap like that.  Tuhd never bothered to actually do sock-puppetry, because it takes too much time and usually can get traced back to you.  Tuhd know this probably not funniest post yet, but... it get point across.

Lets us face it.  Only schizophrenics and schizophrenic hobos should be talkings to themselves.


Best pizza Tuhd ever made was made in this order from bottom to top:

thin crust
butter, garlic, oregano and basil for sauce (all way to edge, so crust is good)
touch of marinara also for sauce but not to edge (trust Tuhd on this one)
topped with mozarella cheese (not too much, go light on this or it drown out other flavors)
thin sliced blackened chicken
light sprinkling of ground sausage for flavor (too much and it drips oil like your uncles car)
lots of fresh julienned basil
a sprinkling of cilantro (optional, to taste)
more diced garlic
diced tomatoes
mild or aged chevre cheese depending on your taste (don't look that up, just put it on there)
diced white onions (red are too strong flavor)
diced green onions (different bite than reds or white)
and topped with freshly shredded parmesan cheese (also sprinkle on crust).

when making this pizza, it all about balance.  don't put too much stuff on it, or it become too heavy or drippy.

bake it all in freshly-cleaned wood-fired oven.  Tuhd used applewood for his fire, about 410-430 degrees is perfect.

Failing having applewood, use a gas oven, cook the crust to where you wants it (crispy, but not burnt), then broil pizza on high (middle rack of oven) to crisp the top for about a minute (pay attention or you fucks it up). 

Ranch dressings is good to dip pizza in, but not necessary.  It great by self.  Don't use shitty bottled ranch if you do.

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