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Jul 15, 2010

How to Be a Troll: Episode One - Subtlety be Damned

Tuhd intend this to be a long running sporadic series on Trolling.  In each episode, Tuhd go into one method of bringing out worst in people for personal gains and humors.  All this are for educationary purposes, and probably shouldn't actually be attempteds.  It also easier to write as guide, instead of having to say "if you were to do this, or seek this result, then do..." before every step, as if it are some theoretical bullshit you not really gonna do.

Admits it.  You gonna try a few of these.  Tuhd did.  How you think Tuhd do research?

Subtlety: Fuck it

The most efficient methods for trollings is to be loudly and inflamingly contradictory to someone in a thread that is ongoing.  It no require any research, waiting, or caring.  It only require picking words n stuff according to forum guidelines, assuming you no want to get banned.  For maximum effectivities, you needs to plan out 2 or 3 posts worth of your day, but your mileages may varies. 

The Setup

As with all trollings, you gots to find a participant.  Generallies, college-age peoples are easiest targets.  Not sure why, they just is.  Somethings about egos and being out in real world, but not really having experienced real world yet.  Tuhd never bothered with college.  Tuhd's liver wouldn't have survived dat.

Also, low post counts is generally better than huge ones.  Hopefully you been on forum a few times before and have clue what people talks about there.

Now, you gotta knows something about something.  And you gotta find an opinion post of someone talking about it.  If you can finds a fanboy, you striked golds.  Remember, an opinion thread is BEST PLACE TO TROLL, because all you will be doing is offering opinion, but worded in way so it draws nooblie moths (because it on fire).

Pounce 

noobposter: "I like netflix because it works for me with my situation! (and a bunch of supporting reasons why it works for them specifically)"
TROLL: "Tuhd honestly no understand people who like netflix. It take too long to get movies when you really wants to watch something, the discs are always scratched, and even their instant watch is filled with craps and steaming craps.  I've always wondered what kind of retard thought that system up, because it only makes sense to me if you're some kind of freak or shut-in.  Seriously, how is this better than a Hollywood Video or Blockbuster?"

Note that in no way is post attacking original post tard.  Technically, it's allowed by 99% of forum's rules.  But, the sheer amount of inflammatory wording is A FLAMING TASTY TREAT for any noob.  They WANT to be offended.  They WANT to retort.  It take person who very comfortable with themselves and their usage of Netflix to pass this opportunity by.

so what happen next?  usually, you get a response by a butthurt netflix user.  It are understandable.  They don't usually say "OMG EVERYONE SHOULD USE THIS!", but they basically implieds it (although, if they did, they're even easier target, and more funs, usually).

*interesting sidenotes: Tuhd is watching "Nightwish: End of an Era", which was delivered by netflix*

If you get ANY response other than "that's cool man, I gets what you mean" from your target, you has clearance to nailgun your point home.

noobposter: "Kinda harsh words man.  I mean, so it's not your cup of tea, but you don't have to be a dick about it."
TROLL: "I just saying, Tuhd no get how it any better for Tuhd.  When I want to watch new release, I stop by on lunch hour or after works, and it there IN MY HAND to watch dat night.  When a netflix user want to watch new release, they have to put in their request WEEKS or MONTHS ahead of time and hope there enough discs to get it sent out and arrive days after it hit rental stores.  And even then, if Tuhd want to do a marathon of a whole series in a weekend, it can't have more discs than Tuhd have at home.  How retarded is that?  What I can't understand is people joyously support this idea as if it's better, when really, you save... maybe $5 a month over a video store.  And with a video store, odds are you only rent 2-4 a month, versus the 12-20 you'll go through in a month, assuming you has time to even watch that many.  If you're not on it sending discs back, you're LOSING MONEY.  And that's why I honestly can't understand what backwards-ass culture thinks this is the best think since sliced bread.  It like looking into one of them funhouse mirrors and thinking it normal."
noobposter: "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?  You act like everything you think is the only way to do things. (insert other comments and attempts at supporting their beliefs, maybe some name calling)"
TROLL: "Stop riding their nuts.  Only a blind fanboi would take offense to that.  I already said it was what I thought.  Try to listen.  I'm done talking to you."
noobposter: "FUCK YOU TROLL!"

Never underestimate power of callings them childish names if you thinks you can back it up.  It REALLY inflames them.  Remember, with all things, if they respond, you has permission to respond, up to point you say you is done with them.  When you say you is done, STAY DONE, even if other peoples responds to you.

*disclaimer* Your karmic debt is your own if you tries any of this stuff.

The Defense against a troll like this

Simple, you don't feeds them.  If somebody challenge your opinion with an opinion, don't you be responding.

Is it worth it?

Nope.  This are not troll to be proud of and serves no purpose other than to be total jerk.  You helping nobody.

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